I wrote this and left it for a few days...which turned in to months. However, I want to acknowledge the feelings before moving on.
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Rut. Stuck in a rut. Woah. Still here. Still stuck. Haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't meditated. I'm stuck in a rut and I know why, but cannot seem to muster up the energy to get out of it. Depressing much?
Work. Mom life. Professional. Sister. Friend. These roles spin around in my head like leaves blowing in the wind. No doubt I am still trying to process this motherhood thing. Am I taking longer than usual? Am I going to be processing it forever? Is this the new me- the new normal? I think I keep waiting for things to return to how they were...to be able to accomplish tasks, get things done. With every week that passes, though, my lists grow and my energy dwindles.
Music. Why do I go a day without it? I receive it like an inhale, immediately energize, and then exhale it out, only to feel bigger, expanded, more full. So I'm realizing these things. I know these things: music feeds my soul, helps me express myself. Exercising feeds my body, give me energy and a fresh perspective. Eating delicious and healthy food keeps my body functioning well. So why here, now, at 30 years old am I waking up with a two day long headache? Feeling like total crap. Stuck in a rut.
Shortly after jotting down these thoughts and feelings, I listened to a Rob Bell podcast in which Pete Rollins said:
"To be human is to actually exist between who you are and who you would like to be. All of us live in this space of the in between. And if I relate to somebody, I don't simply relate to who they are. I also relate to who they would like to be. Because that enters the relationship in good ways and in bad ways....Also, we live between what we have and what we would like to have."
It provided comfort and encouragement as I struggle daily between who I am right now and who I would like to be.
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Rut. Stuck in a rut. Woah. Still here. Still stuck. Haven't exercised in weeks. Haven't meditated. I'm stuck in a rut and I know why, but cannot seem to muster up the energy to get out of it. Depressing much?
Work. Mom life. Professional. Sister. Friend. These roles spin around in my head like leaves blowing in the wind. No doubt I am still trying to process this motherhood thing. Am I taking longer than usual? Am I going to be processing it forever? Is this the new me- the new normal? I think I keep waiting for things to return to how they were...to be able to accomplish tasks, get things done. With every week that passes, though, my lists grow and my energy dwindles.
Music. Why do I go a day without it? I receive it like an inhale, immediately energize, and then exhale it out, only to feel bigger, expanded, more full. So I'm realizing these things. I know these things: music feeds my soul, helps me express myself. Exercising feeds my body, give me energy and a fresh perspective. Eating delicious and healthy food keeps my body functioning well. So why here, now, at 30 years old am I waking up with a two day long headache? Feeling like total crap. Stuck in a rut.
Shortly after jotting down these thoughts and feelings, I listened to a Rob Bell podcast in which Pete Rollins said:
"To be human is to actually exist between who you are and who you would like to be. All of us live in this space of the in between. And if I relate to somebody, I don't simply relate to who they are. I also relate to who they would like to be. Because that enters the relationship in good ways and in bad ways....Also, we live between what we have and what we would like to have."
It provided comfort and encouragement as I struggle daily between who I am right now and who I would like to be.
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